A Brief History of Reality, The Summary of the Cliff Notes of the Abridged Version of Genesis

    Before I continue with the end of Genesis, I need to make mention of an important incident that I passed over in my rush to cover Abraham. I mentioned the LORD and two angels visiting Abraham and warning him about the coming destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah. Most people are familiar with the story of Lot and his family fleeing Sodom. Everyone has heard about his wife turning into a pillar of salt for looking back. The most important detail is what happens after that event. 

    Lot and his daughters are now living in a cave, and the daughters have written off any chance of their father finding them husbands. We know from the account that they were both betrothed prior to the destruction of their home (but had not yet been wed as they were still virgins), and the angels had given Lot a chance to persuade his sons-in-law to flee with them. But they had refused. So the girls took it upon themselves to ensure they had children. They each took a turn getting their father drunk and then sleeping with him. Both conceived and they gave birth to sons: Moab and Ben-Ammi. They become the fathers of the nations of Moab (the Moabites) and Ammon (the Ammonites). They settle each of the Jordan river and are thorns in the side of Israel for generations. But most importantly, we need to remember the origins of Moab when we get to Ruth because she's a "Moabitess" and she's also the great-grandmother of King David. This also puts her in the line of ancestry to Jesus.

    It's these little interconnected details that make me baffled as to how people can be disregarded now that we have the New Testament. No, the New Testament doesn't make sense without the Old Testament...

    Anyway, let's wrap Genesis.

    Israel (Jacob/his entire family) are now in Goshen in Egypt. They are guests of Pharaoh and blessed by God.

    As Jacob feels death is coming for him, he calls for Joseph to bring his sons: Ephraim and Manasseh. Jacob wants to bless them so Joseph places the boys in front of his father so that the older (Manasseh) is position to have Jacob's right hand on him to receive the greater blessing, but Jacob crosses his arms. Joseph argues with his father over this, but Jacob insists he knows what he is doing. He intentionally blesses Ephraim above Manasseh. It's impossible to escape the connection of this to Jacob's own position as the younger brother to Esau. Israel also makes an interesting statement to Joseph. He says that though the Ephraim and Manasseh will always be counted as Joseph's, they will also be Israel's just as any of Joseph's brothers. They will be their own tribes. 

    Israel then calls the rest of his sons to him and he pronounces "blessings" on them all. I put blessings in quotes because as with the "blessing" given to Esau, in some ways these seem as much a curse as a blessing.

    To Reuben, the firstborn, Israel finally reveals his thoughts on Reuben's sleeping with Jacob's concubine, Bilhah. He says that though Reuben should excel in prominence and power as the first fruits of Israel, he will not excel because of his actions in defiling his father's bed.

    Simeon and Levi are spoken of jointly. And again, Israel brings up things from the distant past. He remembers their vicious anger in response to the rape of Dinah, and he condemns them to be dispersed throughout Israel. 

    Judah is next, and he is given the highest blessing, essentially becoming like the first born. Israel compares him to a lion and promises that the ruling scepter of Israel will not depart from him. 

    To Zebulun, Israel promises him to be a harbor by the sea (literally). He promises him specific territory near Sidon.

    Israel compares Issachar to a strong donkey who has found a good place to rest, but he is also forced into labor.

    About Dan, Israel seems to say "yeah, I guess you can be a tribe too" before describing him like a viper striking at horses in the rode.

    Gad will be be attacked but will attack back.

    Israel says Asher's food will be rich, and he will produce delicacies.

    Naphtali is described as a doe producing beautiful fawns.

    Joseph gets the longest blessing. He's compared to a fruitful vine, and though he is attacked, he prevails. Israel wishes him high blessings than even those of his ancestors and calls him a prince among his brothers. 

    Benjamin is a wolf who devours his prey.

    With that Israel finished blessing his sons. He then charged Joseph with ensuring that he would be buried in the same cave in Canaan in which Abraham and Sarah, and Isaac and Rebekah were buried, the same cave where he had buried Leah. 

    Israel dies in Goshen at 147 years of age. He spent 17 years in Egypt. He was embalmed by the Egyptians and the entire nation mourned him for 70 days. Joseph then took such a procession out of Egypt to bury his father that the Canaanites thought it was some great Egyptian official.

   When they return from the burial, the brothers say "oh crap, what if Joseph has been harboring a grudge for the last 17 years?!" They send him a message claiming that their father had secretly told them to tell Joseph that he should forgive them. They then offer themselves as slaves. 

    Joseph's response best summarizes what Genesis is about: "You meant evil against me, but God meant it for good." 

    Joseph dies (apparently preceding his brothers) at 110. His final request is that when God does bring Israel out of Egypt, they bring his bones with them.

To summarize the summary summarily

    Genesis is the beginning. And it's conclusion is still about looking forward. God created a perfect world, but it only took three chapters for man to sin. Every subsequent chapter has been about the story of redemption. A promise was made to Abraham. It was reiterated to Isaac. It became more concrete with Jacob/Israel, but now the people of the promise are separated from the land of the promise. Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob were the patriarchs, and the receivers of the promise, but they were never more than outsiders in the land of Canaan. The only property they own is the field with the cave in which they are buried. But they all die believing in a future realization of the promise. The covenant will be fulfilled. 

A Brief History of Reality, Episode 6 (Return of the Joseph)

     Okay, this time we really will finish with Genesis (this is a lie). Before we continue with Joseph, we have a side story with Judah.

   Judah marries a Canaanite woman named Shua (bad things come from marrying local girls: see Esau and Samson) and has three sons: Er, Onan, and Shelah. Judah finds a wife for Er named Tamar. It turns out Er is enough of a dirt bag that "the LORD put him to death." We don't often find God directly killing people for being terrible. Er must have been pretty bad. 

    Anyway, it was now Onan's duty to sleep with Tamar and give her a child that would be considered Er's heir. Onan didn't like the idea of producing a kid that wouldn't count as his so every time he slept with Tamar, he practiced the "pull out" method of birth control (this is where the term "Onanism" originates).  God strikes down Onan for his treachery. 

    The duty to continue Er's line now falls on Shelah, but he's still young. Judah, afraid of losing another son to this apparently curses Tamar, uses Shelah's youth as an excuse for them to not be joined. To make matters worse, Shua (Judah's wife) has died so there will be no more sons who can take Tamar. It becomes apparent Judah never intends to have Shelah marry Tamar so Tamar takes the situation into her own hands.

    Tamar hears that Judah is going on a business trip and decks herself out as a prostitute (with a covered face) to sit along the road Judah will take. Judah sees this apparent prostitute and hires her services. The problem is he forgot his wallet at home, but Tamar takes alternative forms of payment. In this case, she keeps his signet ring, cord, and staff as a pledge that he'll come back with a goat (but when Judah does send a goat back for payment, she's gone). 

    It turns out Tamar is quite fertile, and in a few months, it becomes apparent she's going to be a parent. When Judah finds out that she's being prostituting herself, he condemns her to death, but before any harm befalls her, she sends him a present. When he sees his signet ring, cord, and staff, he's appropriately ashamed and recognizes that Tamar is "more in the right than I." Judah doesn't touch Tamar again. She however is carrying twins and gives birth to Perez and Zerah (this won't be the last time we see the name Perez. *hint* he's in the direct line to a certain King David and ultimately to a rather well known "Lion of Judah").

Meanwhile...

    Joseph is in Potiphar's house in Egypt. He quickly distinguishes himself as an outstanding asset to Potiphar, and he is placed in charge of the household. Unfortunately, the lady of the house is a bit of a cougar (presumably. We don't actually know how old she is). Lady Potiphar schemes to get in Joseph's robe, and when she finally gets him alone, he runs fleeing out of the house (leaving his robe in her grasp). She cries "RAPE!" Potiphar is naturally incensed and throws Joseph in prison.

    There in prison, Joseph achieves the same thing he had in Potiphar's household. He earns the trust of the Warden and is placed in charge of all the prisoners. There he meets the Pharaoh's cupbearer and baker. 

    One day Joseph notices that the baker and cupbearer are troubled and asks them what is going on. They reveal to him that they each have had dreams. Joseph tells them all interpretations are from the God and asks them to share their dreams. The cupbearer goes first. He dreamed of three branches that produced three bunches of grapes. He squeezed the grapes into a cup and presented it to Pharaoh. Joseph tells him the good knew: in three days, he will be restored to his position as the chief cupbearer. Joseph then asks him to tell Pharaoh about him when he returns to the palace.

    The baker is encouraged by the meaning of his friends dream so he tells Joseph his own dream. He had three baskets of baked goods on his head, but the birds were pecking at the baskets and eating the bread. Joseph informed him of the not so good news: in three days, Pharaoh would have the baker's head removed from his body. 

    It comes to pass as Joseph said, three days later the cupbearer was restored and the baker executed. Naturally, the cupbearer forgets Joseph and he languishes in prison for two more years. Then, Pharaoh has a dream. It upsets him greatly, but none of his advisers can interpret it for him. Finally, the cupbearer remembers Joseph and his ability with dreams. 

    Pharaoh has Joseph brought before him and asks if Joseph can interpret his dreams. Joseph clarifies that only God can give Pharaoh what he seeks. Pharaoh proceeds to share his dreams. 

    In the first dream, Pharaoh sees seven healthy cows grazing away, but seven skinny cows come up and swallow up the fat cows. This leaves the skinny cows no better off than before. The second dream is like it. Seven heads of healthy grain appears, but they are swallowed up by seven withered heads of grain. 

    Joseph tells Pharaoh these dreams are from God to warn of what he is going to do. There will be seven years of bountiful harvests followed by seven years of devastating famines. If Pharaoh and his people want to live, Joseph informs them, they need to set aside twenty percent of each of the next seven year's harvest to shore up against the coming calamity

    Pharaoh believes Joseph, and elevates him to second in command of the entire nation so he can oversee the preparation for famine. This is now the third time Joseph, having been brought as low as can be, is elevated to a position of authority. 

    The seven years pass. In the meantime, Joseph has two sons (Ephraim and Manasseh) from his wife Potiphera. Just as the LORD warned Pharaoh, famine comes. Egypt is well prepared, but the nations around it are not. They start coming to Egypt for food, and Joseph sells it to them. 

    In Canaan, Israel and his family are hungry. They hear of the food in Egypt and plan to set out, but Israel wants Benjamin, his youngest, to stay behind. So ten brothers head to Egypt, and when they arrive, Joseph recognizes them. He accuses them of being spies, but they protest that they are simply 12 brothers (one dead and one at home) in need of food for their family. Initially, Joseph tells them he's going to hold them all hostage until one of them returns with Benjamin. He locks them up for three days, then he releases them and says that instead, he is only taking Simeon hostage, and they can have him back if they return with the youngest brother to prove their story. He sends them back home but instructs his steward to put every man's money back in his bag with the food they are taking. 

    The brother's head back to Canaan and on the way, discover each man's money is in his bag. They are freaked out. They arrive home and tell their father the tale. He is crushed at the lost of Simeon, but he still doesn't want to send Benjamin to Egypt. Time passes, and they go through the food they've brought from Egypt. The famine is still raging, so the brothers go back to their father. This time Judah swears on his family that he'll bring Benjamin back safely. Israel drags his feet. He's lost Joseph. He's lost Simeon. He can't bear to lose another son. But things are desperate, and he finally agrees.

    When the brother's show up, Joseph has them ushered into his house to eat with him. The brothers tell Joseph's steward about the money in their bags from the last time, and he insists that they had paid for the food properly. Joseph brings Simeon out to them and seats them in order from eldest to youngest. He serves Benjamin twice as much food as everyone else. He sends them on their way again, but this time not only does he have his steward put the money back in their bags, but he also tells his steward to hide his personal goblet in Benjamin's bag. 

    The brother's are not far down the road when Joseph's men come chasing after them with accusations of theft. They insist on their innocence and are suitably dismayed when Joseph's cup is found in Benjamin's possession. Everyone is brought back before Joseph in understandable fear. Joseph offers freedom to everyone but Benjamin. He says only the one who stole the cup must stay and be his slave. Judah pleads for mercy. He offers himself in Benjamin's place. He will do anything to keep his father from losing his beloved son. 

    Judah's impassioned pleas push Joseph over the edge. He begins to weep. After sending out his own servants, he reveals himself to his brothers. They are flabbergasted (I'm just glad for an excuse to use this word in a sentence). They don't believe it. Ultimately after they are convinced, it is decided (with Pharaoh's blessing) that, because there are still more years of famine to come, the brothers will return to Canaan and bring Israel and everything that belongs to him back to Egypt to live. 

    Israel takes some convincing. It's honestly not clear if he ever gets the full story of how Joseph came to be in Egypt in the first place. But he gets up and leaves. At Beer-sheba, he stops to present sacrifices to God. That night the LORD appeared to him in a vision and assured him that he should not fear going down to Egypt. God would be with him there, and he would bring him back out of their too. And he promised that Israel's beloved Joseph would be the one to "close his eyes." when he dies. Israel continues on the way. 

    We are given a record of the numbers that went with Israel from Canaan to Egypt. This is another example of a list that is easy to skip over, but it emphasizes a beautiful point. 66 people left Canaan. Joseph, his wife, and children were already in Egypt. So the total number of people belonging to the nation of Israel at this time is 70 people. Keep that in mind, when Israel leaves Egypt.

    Joseph greets him on the way. Israel settles in the land of Goshen, separate from the Egyptians because of the Egyptians' are not fond of shepherds. Israel lives with his family in Egypt for the rest of his life. 

    As with his father Isaac, Israel has blessings to give his children. It is these blessings that serve as a good wrap up of Genesis, and they will get their own entry.